When literally everyone with a megaphone on social media tells us we must be authentic, our true and unedited selves, or weāll fail at business, life, and the 100m relay, try this instead:
Donāt.
Nobody wants our 100% true and unedited and authentic selves.
I know this, because for absolute SURE nobody wants my 100% true and unedited and authentic self.
I can be a right brat.
And if you could wander the halls of my brains, it would frighten you.
For some marginalised people, itās not safe to put their full authentic self out there in public.
For most of us, itās not even possible, because we are by necessity different people in different situations.
And, itās kinda selfish. Our audience are not our therapists.
When we vomit the contents of our brains onto paper, then put it out there without any thought or editing, we burden people with our feelings (and often with an incoherent stream of consciousness) and thatās very much not cool.
That probs sounds harsh: I donāt care.
If I want to unburden myself, Iāll call my bestie and ask her if she can listen to me bawl for half an hour. I definitely wonāt expect my email readers and my social media followers to absorb all my misery.
Donāt read what Iām not writing here.
For sure write about causes that matter to you and do it with feeling.
Absolutely write your truth and your story and do it with emotional integrity.
Write about your experiences if you think theyāll help someone and make them feel something in return.
Share your perspective, absolutely.
But write from the scar, not the still-oozing, pus-filled wound.
Vomiting the contents of our brains onto paper or video or whatever is very cathartic and therapeutic can prevent ill-advised spontaneous throat-punching.
But we donāt have to share it.
We shouldnāt share it.
As Lewis Kemp and Dan Kelsall point out, thereās a difference between authenticity and relatability.
All those people being āauthenticā out there and telling us to do the same? Theyāre not. Not really. Theyāre showing a carefully curated side of themselves and being super strategic about it.
And theyāre doing it to make money.
As am I.
As are you.
Thereās no shame in that ā warm and fuzzies aināt gonna pay the bills for any of us.
Whatās disingenuous about it, though, is telling people āthis is my authentic and raw self and it made me bazillions, now you just be 100% authentic and I will show you how to make bazillions too in my $997 templateā when really theyāre being relatable and strategic and only giving you half the story.
Be the you that will do these 3 things:
- Make your target reader feel seen, heard, and understood.
- Show them youāre the right person to help them get what they want.
- Make it really easy for them to choose you and pay you.
If you can do that, youāll never struggle for readers and therefore customers and clients.
This goes for your content and ā yes ā for your book, too!
Be yourself, of course.
But please, not your unedited self.
Nobody wants that.
It is possible to write your unvarnished truth, to be real, to share your experience of the world with people and lift them up and carry them along with you. Even if what youāre writing about is horrible and painful.
There has to be some distance between the experience and the publishing, or itās emotional vomit.
Want to learn how to use your voice to write like you mean it and do it with integrity?
Maybe I can help. Iām looking for two people to join me in Book Coach In Your Pocket in November.
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